Archive for Relationships

Goings On

Posted in life in general with tags , , on October 10, 2012 by Sarita

If you’ve read my earlier posts, you’d know that I have a very high regard for my brother – he’s extremely funny and charming and has shockingly managed to grow into his looks.

I remember when he first met my now sister-in-law. It was August 2002 B.D. (Before Death) and they were both starting their Ph.D’s. He called home and subjected my mother to stories of this girl from Phoenix who was so incredible and smart and who, to my brother’s eternal dismay, had a serious boyfriend back home. (There’s a song about this, made up on Christmas Eve, but that’s another, separate post:)

My mother never met my SiL – she died 2 months after that first phone call about her, but in that period, she probably heard everything there was to know and more, about the wonder that was Tava.

Things happen in life to steer you in certain directions, and I think the turmoil and tailspin caused by our mother’s death pitched us both in directions we didn’t plan for or see coming. I left a long-term relationship and my brother went into one.

I first met Jan, my brother’s mother-in-law when I’d gone to stay at her home in Phoenix, on a ‘get to know and represent the family’ mission, after my brother’s rather elaborate proposal to Tava. In the first week there, I broke one of her family heirlooms. Horror! And all Jan asked was if there was any blood. When I said no, she replied – once there’s no blood, there’s no problem.

Jan reminded me of my own mother – motherly, generous, practical but whimsical, always smiling regardless of what she was really feeling and strong in the way that she held family together. I think Tava got that from her. When she died (thankfully after being able to walk Tava down the aisle – Tava’s dad had passed away a few years before), it left a void in T’s family that she stepped in to fill the best she could.

Tava is always there to fill whatever holes she could for the people she loves.

She’s been an official member of my family for eight years now and for about 4 of those eight, she’s been trying, together with my brother and at great cost and physical discomfort, to fill a void in their own little unit and have a baby. I won’t subject you to the tales of daily hormone pills and injections with shitty side effects, or to the sad news of miscarriages or false pregnancies, but I will tell you about the perseverance and continuing optimism and hope demonstrated by the both of them, even when it seemed like every new round of fertility treatment was going to end the same way. I would have given up a long time ago.

They didn’t and they’ve finally succeeded.

I’m going to be an auntie 🙂

(My soon to be niece/nephew is going to be pretty blessed having two sets of grandparents watching over her/him from heaven:)

Happy Narcissist’s Day!:)

Posted in life in general with tags , , , on February 13, 2012 by Sarita

A few years ago I came up with this concept, at first purely out of Valentine’s Day backlash – but I really believe in it post VD annoyance – before any day/occasion/event that dictates you love someone, there should be one that dictates you should love yourself…

So Happy Narcissist’s Day everyone – because you have to love yourself before you can love any one else!

🙂

What a Wonderful World…

Posted in life in general with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2011 by Sarita

 

“I see trees of green, red roses too, I see them bloom, for me and you, and I think to myself…”

I was going to write about the horror of seeing the people you love lose everything they have in a house fire. About their tears and pain and disbelief that their lives could change so drastically, literally in under an hour. But the theme, and what I’ll instead tell you about, running through the past 2 days (it seems like a week…) is one of friendship and generosity. Of strangers appearing with offers to help and bringing food and clothes. Of the best of people coming out in a time of need.

I went from relaxing poolside, listening to Louis Armstrong rasping about wonders in the world, to receiving a call that my younger cousin’s house was on fire. I won’t go into too much detail about the negatives of the next few hours – hearing dull ‘whoomp’s as things exploded and collapsed inside, or the many times the firemen thought the flames were extinguished, only to have them ignite elsewhere in the house. What I will talk about, is the stellar performance of many of the firemen, who risked their lives trying to contain the blaze – every so often a wall or part of the ceiling would collapse and hoarse voices would yell each fireman’s name to make sure no one was trapped inside or underneath. I will also tell you about the admiration I have for my little cousin, who recovered from her shock enough to be able to laugh at my dumb jokes about roasting marshmallows so as not to let the fire go to waste (I’ve always had an inappropriate sense of humour). And about her 23yr. old sister, who, newly married with an active toddler, opened her small, 1 bathroom apartment next door to her invalid grandmother, aunt and 4 dogs, her mother and sister and whatever waterlogged, smoke soaked clothing we managed to fish out of the house at 3 am. with no complaint at all. I can tell you about my cousin’s friend, who stayed throughout the night and was on hand to fight the flare ups that the firemen were sure wouldn’t happen, with a garden hose, crawling up a ladder (he’s afraid of heights) to be able to soak the burning walls with water so it wouldn’t spread further, and who refused to let my cousin and aunt near enough to be hurt if anything were to happen. Who didn’t leave until 9pm last night, over 24hrs later.

I don’t know what caused the fire, but I do know what it caused. It caused me to reevaluate the things that I attach so much importance to. It caused me to remember how much to value the things that cannot be replaced – family, friendship, good health and common human compassion, and to be grateful for ‘small’ things. It caused me to be a little less selfish with my emotions and my time and made me, hopefully, more available to those who need me. Because there are worse things in life than having people who need you.

…what a wonderful world“…

(What a Wonderful World -Louis Armstrong)